Friday, June 06, 2008
  on my mind
has anyone really asked whats on my mind? or what im feeling right now? ever since i got back for this stupid vacation, people have done nothing but judge me. nobody ever bothered to ask whats been up with me, for real. if anyone really cares, heres the truth:

im in pain. the mental exhaustion is horrible. worse, the emotional fatigue is just unbearable. i dont wanna be in this place anymore. i wanna go home. but familial obligations just constrain me. and some loser had to sue on false claims, ruining my vacation even more and extending my visit too. then my barkada? well seriously, i dont feel at home with them. ive seen before my very eyes how they have taken a side. and i dont fault them for that. but i will not bear with it either. thats just being too plastic of me. so yes, i dont want to be with u guys. you make me feel so...evil.

i just wanna do what i want. for the first time, i want to be selfish. i want to think of myself. but i dont think im built that way. maybe i should try. after all this is my life.
 
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
  i love you
i just do. got a problem with that? :)
 
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
  smile
after one hell of a roller coaster ride with family and personal problems, it's nice to have a smile on my face right now. and i have gene to thank for that. he's seriously one of my favorite brods of all time. extremely charming, which gives him an edge over my romeo (because i think they look alike). anyway, the good thing about talks with gene is that everything seems to be so easy. this laid back guy can make things look so uncomplicated, so simple. i guess now i have something to look forward to everyday - catching up with him.

gene, in the rare event that you do find this blog, know that you made a great difference for me today. so, thank you.
 
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
  St. Elmo's Fire
Growin' up you don't see the writing on the wall
Passin' by, movin' straight ahead you'd knew it all
But one day sometime when you feel the pain
You'll find you're all alone, everything has changed.
Play the game, you know you can't quit until it's won
Soldier on, only you can do what must be done
You know in some ways you're a lot like me
You're just a prisoner, and you're tryin to break free
I can see the new horizon underneath the blazing sky
I'll be where the eagles flyin higher and higher
Gonna be a man in motion, all i need's a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin, St. Elmo's fire.
Burnin up, dont know just how far that I can go
Soon be home, only just a few miles down the road.
I can make it, I know I can
You broke the boy in me, but you won't break the man.
Just once in his life a man has his time, and my time is Now, I'm coming
alive -
I can hear the music playin, i can see the banners fly
Feels like you're back again and hope riding high
Gonna be your man in motion, all i need's a pair of wheels
Take me where my future's lyin St. Elmo's fire
I can climb the highest mountain, cross the wildest sea
I can feel St. Elmo's fire burnin in me
burnin, I can feel it burnin in me.
 
  too much of others
why can't people understand that there are things that you have to do for yourself? i'm sick and tired of walking on eggshells to make sure everyone is alright with the decisions i am making. i know that pops is right - whatever decision i make, it will always have an effect on other people. fine, i get that. but i will not make the decision based on how other people would feel because at the end of the day, how does that decision make me feel? and how does that change my life? i find it unfair that people are pulling the guilt trip on me. you think that's not selfishness? please. i've thought about this long and hard. everyone knows that. i'm doing this for me and not for anyone else. if that's selfishness, so be it. after all, it's my life. and for the first time, i'm making things happen for myself and not for anybody else.
 
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
  AS LOVERS GO :)
by Dashboard Confessional

She said "I've gotta be honest,
You're wasting your time if you're fishing round here."
And I said "you must be mistaken,
I'm not fooling... this feeling is real"
She said "you gotta be crazy,
What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?
"You've got wits, you've got looks,
You've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."

All wrong.
All wrong.
But you got me...

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

And I said "I've gotta be honest
I've been waiting for you all my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane,
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.
You've got wits... you've got looks,
You've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?

Tonight.
Tonight.
But you've got me...

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

you know i miss you too...
and i love mickey d's spaghetti more.

 
Sunday, July 22, 2007
  simple things that make me smile
so i saw marie in loyola the other day and i asked her how she was. she looked at me with a sad face - pat! im unhappy! omg i feel the same way. bar review has really put a strain on me. hindi na ako masaya talaga. i know that this is like the last step to my dream but darnit. its so freaking exhausting! so kanina while i was driving home, i thought of things that lessen the unhappiness in my life now...and here's a list in no particular order:

  • spoiling harry potter 7 for myself - yes! i read the last few pages! yeah! i know that october ko pa siya mababasa and people refused to spoil the ending for me so i did it myself! and yes, im less unhappy!
  • a round of beer and a veneto pizza - this actually includes never-boring conversations with babes (who's turning 125 years old soon!!!!)
  • med students studying for the upcoming boards - at least i get to talk about other things other than law di ba? luc, tiger and edwin: ang lapit na ng exams niyo!
  • boxing and muay thai - my stress relievers. makasapak lang ako ng isa kay daniel ok na ako eh! hehe. and i hit him like once every 3 rounds. oh geez.
  • new found friends - ELLAINE and DRIC who keep me bound to law school ties. Dric, i crush you. haha! o, yung petroleum jelly ha and your boxing schedule!
  • miami ink and new tatts - this includes meeting new people (i hope wally's tatt healed already and that jay gets a funny one for his birthday hehe) and even if joe placed one hell of a big kick ass tatt on my back (and even if its terribly itchy now coz its peeling) im happy because it brought me a lot of energy
  • short talks with the sisses who i miss so much
  • cakes, balloons, ice cream and clowns - enough said
  • bootleg dvds of my favorite shows especially season 6 of scrubs and 24! addictive!
  • caleb, my youngest nephew, who looks like a longganisa.
i'll add more when i remember them. i really just had to put ellaine and dric here. yihee! special mention!

 
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
  Romans 12:19
"Vengeance is mine," sayeth the Lord.

"Ok, Lord," sayeth Pat.


 
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
  grad senti moment II - the ateneo law basketball team

when i read this email from rebo, i got teary-eyed. i spent four years with the boys. i love the ones who have graduated. i love the ones who decided to leave. i love the ones who are remaining. i love most my batchmates, and my brothers. this year was even more nakaka-attach. now, i have nothing to look forward to at 10pm. time to move on? nah. we have yet to snag the crown!

IN THESE BOYS... HOPE IS A MUSCLE

by Rebo Saguisag


In 2003, Pat Bautista asked me to formally coach the Ateneo Law School Varsity. Why not? After all, I have been with the team since 1999. Plus, Pat's batchmates were a talented bunch, and like me, a junkie, and we naturally gravitated to one another. But for three straight years, we were knocked off in the eliminations. In fairness, the tournament is not really a great measure of ability with its knock-out format. You lose, you go home. No opportunity to adjust as with a seven game series.


And yet, we never offered any excuse. It just seemed like when it came to crunch time, the Ateneo Blue Eagles-a "finesse" law school team of nice
boys from even nicer backgrounds-somehow lacked the scrappy, hard-driving desire to go all the way. But now, led by the strong backcourt of seniors Jang Moreno and Jun Sañosa, with the addition of a legitimate slotman in Raymond Yap, and everyone playing beyond their personal best (especially TJ Rocamora and Paul Imperial), this is their year to prove themselves. Their season to test their passion for the sport and their loyalty to each other. Their time to discover who they really are.


We didn't get the ending we wanted. Di naman kami plastic. But it was quite a season, we swept and dominated the eliminations by an average winning margin of 30.5 points. We got into the semifinals for the first time in seven years! Now we were in the company of winners--San Sebastian (2004 champions), San Beda (2006 and this year's champions) and we even got the better of UP who were champions in 2005. This is a vast improvement where in year's past when we would be dismissed as push-overs. This time we are seeded.


But more importantly, I wanted to see how we would respond to our heart-breaking semi-final loss. Vince Lombardi said that "Real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That's real glory. That's the essence of it." And we did come back. In style.


Here is a look at the individuals who made it happen. (In alphabetical order)

Pao “twinless” Abarquez

After almost riding the bench in most pre-season games and playing garbage minutes in the elimination lop-sided wins, Paolo earned very important minutes in the semis and the battle for third. The reason? Hard-nosed defense. Paolo doesn't back down from anybody. Reminiscent of older twin brother Carlo who didn't want to come out in a game last year despite a bloodied face.


MJ “the rookie” Bayang

Faster than a speeding bullet and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound-that's MJ. Also, with a high basketball IQ and other qualities that could make him one of the future leaders of the team. Loves his Ipod and will drink, drink,. drink, drink…STRAIGHT UP!


Paul “m.i.a.” Cervantes

A talented scorer who unfortunately just had to play behind Jang Moreno. But given the opportunity, he can surely do the same, if not more.

Jonas "baby bratinello" Cruz

A deadly perimeter shooter from 15 feet in, runs the court well, can slash and with a patented spin move. The team's official outfitter. Doesn't drink but speaks like he is always high--on ganja.

Carlo "Beefcake" Escalada

Probably in the best shape he has ever been. But more importantly, was finally able to exploit his massive frame to annihilate opponents. Mentos-tough on the outside but soft inside--claims he will not play next year-because it will not be the same without his batchmates---aaaawwww-baduy!

Paul “coahc’s man” Imperial

Not specifically adept at anything but will give you a little of everything-with a passion that whips the blood. Including showing everyone that you can swipe a card when you order pizza. One of two breakthrough players of the year.

Ian “the sacrificial co-captain” Mondragon

Sacrifice? That's Co-captain Mondy. He insisted to be part of the team even as a reserve (he did deserve to be part of the core anyway). Also an unfortunate guy who had to play behind Raymond Yap. He did play quality minutes, grabbing rebounds, making blocks and blocking out opponents. By the semis, he had an added role-as assistant coach.


Paulo “the enforcer” Paulino

Very, very hardworking who will sacrifice his body just to get the ball. Crashes the boards with impunity.


Paolo “SioPao” Rodriguez

One of the best pure shooters there is with an even greater attitude. Did not mind his limited exposure because he knows his time will come. And it will.

Darryl “all-the-way” Santos

Mr. No fear and a tough one on one defender.


The starters:


Lean “kahit may sakit” Abarquez

Lean's best game this year was in a victory against arch-rival San Sebastian. We were only eight. Though a tune-up game, it was played in San Sebastian. The magnifico ocho gave it their all in front of the shocked hometown crowd. Everyone was tired and cramping. Lean had it worse, he was sick.

TJ “Roc” Rocamora

This year's biggest revelation.. Was about to be cut as his try-out showing was, well to be blunt, real sloppy. But from there, he worked his way to showing his steady hand all the way to the starting line-up.

Raymond “YapMing” Yap

The center we have always wanted but we had to give way to studies. He told me he didn't want to be the center of the offense and just went on doing his job rebounding and put-backs silently and effectively. He probably owns the play of the year-a dramatic putback as time expired against U.P. in the battle for third.


Jun "madaya sa suicides" Sañosa

Word has it that Jun and Jang made a deal to commit themselves in their final year. Truth be told, Jun probably attended more practices this year than the previous years combined. He wanted to start. And start he did. But he also finished, with a kind of stabilizing presence a true point guard
should have. Arguably, the team's strongest tomador.

Jang “the king” Moreno

Co-captain Jang would figure in some fateful plays that cost the team a trip to the Final Four in each of his first three years. But he offered no excuses. He has always been a leader. This year, he was given even more. The team would go as far as he would bring it. Live and die with Jang. Nobody argued. He deserved it. Not once was he absent. He was probably in his best shape.
And in his most defining moment, he delivered the final blow to the opponents-an uncontested lay-up after which he coasted to the bench and
exchanged high fives-a gesture befitting the King who just capped a brilliant career.

THE GURLS

They say that behind every man is a woman and so it is with this team. Let me personally thank the following:


Trina Ilarde

Beefcake's sparring partner who would alternate as fan, table official and/or collector.

Kiddy Dy

Though not as omnipresent as before, I would think of Kiddy everyday when I open my starbucks planner which she donated.


Trina Garcia

There are only two people who could stop Jang from scoring. The coach who would bench him and the other would be her. I also did not have to worry about an enforcer in the team. I had one in Trina. She also helped as collector, shot chart statistician, timer, fan.


Pat Bautista

The manage who is also never absent despite having all the reasons to be--Illness, an overpacked schedule, studies. I knew di siya makakatiis, hehe. We also attended meetings and scouted games.


This year was very well organized, from the recruitment, to the venue, to
the pick-up games to game schedules, to text blasts, to funding. All I had to worry about was coaching, and the players, playing. Pat is the unsung hero of this team, the woman behind the scenes.


Maraming salamat po.


Jackie "soon-to-be-mrs. saguisag" Crisologo

Jackie somehow took losses harder than me. But knowing her, it was just to absorb all the negative feelings I had. She has always been like that. I love you…woohoo!

Thanks to the Ateneo MBA team for always eating us alive during games (good luck against the DLSU-FEU team! One big fight!), FEU Law team, the San Sebastian Law team for making us look forward to the tournament every year, Adrian Dimacali who Jun thinks is bad luck (haha) but had been the nightmare of the boys when Coach isn’t around, the twins, and to Coach Jojo, who we all love very much.

 
Thursday, September 21, 2006
  stepping on my turf
you know that term PRIOR CLAIM SYNDROME? girls usually have a bad case of it. at least i do. its like someone else stepping on my turf. parang, hey, i dont step on your turf. thats like your space. why step on mine? i hate the all-innocent look eh. the im not doing anything wrong here act. ULUL! sino niloko mo? pooooootttaaaaaahhhhhh. u freaking selfish biatch. take off the halo. i can see right through you. and stop trespassing. hindi ka na cute.
 
I will fight back, you know. And then, I'll make your life hell.