WEAVING DAYDREAMS AND DISTORTING LULLABYES: September 2005

Friday, September 30, 2005

a year older...

as the clock struck twelve, i began to think. i am a year older. damn. cant i be 16 forever? yeah, right. so much for the peter pan syndrome. somehow reality always catches on. lemme look a year back and reflect on how my life went in the year that has just passed. more than anything else, i am grateful to the lord that i am still breathing. that he gave me 365 days to live and i pray that he gives me more than 365 this time. i dont think i lost any friends. i just found out who the real ones are. and despite going through hell to keep these good friends of mine, it was all worth it. after all, you dont lose real friends. sometimes they just hang around the shadows and come out when its the right time.
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im thankful that i have my sorority sisters:gar, ilarde, marge, love, nikki, mon, bunny, tinggay... especially A and DEV who took the risk in putting this up with me. trust me, they have been more than patient with the bratinella me. i wouldnt have it any other way. they put up with my tantrums, moodiness, bossiness, depression, heartaches, constant changing boys, panic attacks, delayed reaction, shopping sprees, never finished food, muttering, fights, victories, failing midters, good recits, shopping weekends, bake sales...gawd, the list can go on. id die for my sisters. they know that. and anyone reading this should know that. mess with them, mess with my wrath (a warning i wasnt able to give KNS). to those who will just become a part of the family, i welcome you in advance :)
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of course, im grateful for my loving and protective brothers who have been nothing but supportive of me. theyve taken me under their wings and i will be forever grateful. next to my sisters, id die for my brothers. echiferdi, nikki, kiko, dandan, mark, noe, enteng, cean, jc, chuck, gino, fritz, paul r., macky, cookie, vince, gadric, paul a., taps, eric, karl, bene, zoe, chris i., chris g., miong, jovy, weeeeej, jefjef, pau, caloy, aj, jun s., raymond, rc, ronron, glenn, randee, crinkles, my baby brods, jun... to those i forgot, you know i didnt do it intentionally.
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im thankful for my high school and college barkada: leah, angel, lily, cha and my one and only eggnog. despite not seeing each other, i know they're just there. they keep me going. they're one of the reasons why im still in law school...the encouragement and support are so immense that its immeasurable. they are one of a kind.
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my section A! my greener pasture. you guys are the best! chupao, momsie, abi sze, gail, thea, mark, mae, tatng, tracy, popsie, chel, kay, bej, dennis, freedom, mickey, sep, kate, DORANNE!, carlo, angel, jojit, trishie, mama leigh, helga, abi, lemony lemlem aka louie, jon, dima, dex, kid, mondy, titit, jeland, sarj, and whattamen: poch, ino, luigi. PIA who i miss terribly.
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the student council 2004-2005: gian, mark, reg, jayps, jonas, anna, manman, isoy...need i say more? they have become my second family.
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LSACERS! the fraternity with a twist.
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and my first family: mum, ann, ate and kuya randy, kuya and ate chie, kunichi and douie and cobi and gab and zac abd justine.. well, blood is thicker than water.
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my dad: my best friend. words can never do justice.
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tim and nicole, christine and eric who taught me to be open. --------
clarence who is teaching me patience.
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shaun who is making me worry.
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my favorite cousins mikey and carla, and dream come true cousin jeremy.
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my favorite LA man lovine who doesnt know how much ive learned from him.
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tito dino and tita jeannie..since youve been gone...
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nad who can keep up with the endless breakdowns from me.
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chuck who made me feel like 16 again.
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clv, cande and fr. b for the support.
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isidore who is staying strong.
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to the friends i once had...im still here.
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life has been good to me. god has been tremendously generous. i cant ask for anything more. well, except for good grades, finish law school on time with flying colors and pass the bar exams first take.
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to those who have greeted me, thank you. to those who will greet me, thank you. to all the people i love (to those who know i love them, and to those who have yet to find out...), thank you for making each day more beautiful for me.

1:13:00 PM 6 comments

Thursday, September 22, 2005

selfish unselfishness

have u ever met a person who was so unselfish to the point that the person becomes so selfish? ok, lemme elaborate. its like the person gives so much that he doesnt allow anyone to give back to him. and then he suddenly gets into an outburst of feelings that he's tired of giving and tired of being strong for anyone. HELLO. thats because you never let anyone get near you to the point that you push people away. i dunno if im making any sense. its just that last night, words came out so strong and irrational that i didnt know whether i should be pissed or hurt. to say that no one is being strong for you, no one is there for you is not true. because the fact of the matter is, there are a lot of people who are strong for you but u just choose not to take their hands because you are too immersed in being the hero of everyone.

maybe its now time to allow people to rescue you. after all, even super heroes need some saving once in awhile.

9:47:00 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

good things come in small packages.

pleasant surprises come in the simplest way.
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thank you for putting a smile on my face today.
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now i can see sunshine. now i can go back to dreaming.

10:58:00 AM 0 comments

Friday, September 16, 2005

thinking...

vince reminds

me so much of lovine...vince could be lovine. or lovine could be vince. physically, they are total opposites (see vince hunching over just to make it look as if he's not 6ft-tall? no offense, lovine..hehe) but train of thought, same wo

nt even do justice. weird. they must be the same person in some way. though i wouldnt mind that at all.

1:23:00 AM 4 comments

Thursday, September 15, 2005

little black book

so i watched the movie little black book and i cried the whole time. it showed my life...the boyfriends, the flings, the spying, the lies, the sex, the true loves, the broken hearts, the shattered dreams. the movie would seem as if nothing would go right...as if the stars have conspired against the main character. and it isnt so easy to accept that things get fucked up more often than we can ever hope for. but in the end, a broken heart is healed by life's destiny.
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if i may quote the movie that quoted john lennon: sometimes life happens when we're too busy making plans
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in the movie, stacy lost her boyfriend because in her search for truth, she had become a lie. and i was that same girl about 3 weeks ago...until the search became over because i lost him.
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i just cant wait...for life to happen.

1:41:00 AM 4 comments

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

miracle

dont u just like feel good movies? the type where at the end, the underdogs emerge as the victors... i love those kinds of movies. they make me believe. they inspire me to have faith. wouldnt it be nice if everyone just had faith in the goodness in everyone? then maybe this wouldnt be such a bad world. people would be smiling and would be helping each other out. i dunno... im probably just thinking too much. LOL. serious shit.

so anyway i watched the movie miracle just now. damnit. i never knew how much i missed the game until i watched the movie. the feeling of solitude with the sound of the skate blades on the ice. the peace that comes with the passing of the puck. the victory with every goal scored. and damn the smell of the ice. heaven.

but we make our own heavens. and mine is right here, right now.

12:48:00 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

totally disjoint..and some other things

feeling: excited (to meet the next..or realize who he is), tired (long day) song: naked and sacred (back to old skool chill-out music) what's on tv: re-run of desperate housewives thought: wow (to eric and christine's 14-year marriage, a kid's outlook on life, stuff to be done for school -- basically wow for being overwhelmed at so many things) current eyecandy: my new nephew, zac
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i dunno why the philippine justice system prefers disjoint buildings that are supposed to be joint. ok lemme give u examples. had an assignment for legal aid class to go to makati city jail and interview our client (we were to make a counter-affidavit). of course the presumption was that the city jail was right by the police station (which was right across the city hall and the halls of justice. WRONG. the city jail was about 20 minutes away from everything (right by kalayaan ave. in fort bonifacio). i mean, what the fuck? and as if its only makati that has that...was asked to go see a city prosecutor of pasig for a preliminary investigation on this libel case. so i went to the regional trial court of pasig city only to find out that the office of the prosecutor is like some 20 minutes away too...like waaaay out of civilization. to think that the city pavillion looked like it was being demolished, not being renovated. oh jeez. poor country. gets me all frustrated, you know.
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on to funnier things. went to take jeremy out for lunch. he's a nice kid. turns out to be more mature about life than i am. i should feel ashamed that i actually learned som

ething from him. anyway, not dwelling on lessons learned from jeremy. so i went to bring him back to intercon and his cousin started blabbing about allergies and stuff and she was just totally weird being allergic to like pollens and stuff and like she couldnt go to gardens and all. damn i cant even tell the story right coz im laughing right now. but thats not all. she went on to talk about her brother's allergies and guess what her older brother is allergic to? LATEX. lol that gave me and jeremy the laugh of all time. jeez! so much for safe sex. oh gawd im laughing so hard. then again almost any girl would be totally fine with that.
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new occupation: jeremy's official basketball agent.
sideline: law student
main job: brokenhearted bitch (yes, we do shed a few tears too)

12:05:00 AM 0 comments

Sunday, September 04, 2005

wasssssssaaaaaaapppp???

so i actually had the best of both worlds the past week..as the song goes: life's a bitch and then she dies. what an emotional roller coaster ride it was. laughter and then tears. damnit, what the hell would i do if A and the rest of the sisters werent there? i would have drowned myself in rocky road (though not a bad idea) except that i wouldnt wanna be back in chi-town looking like a fucking blob of fat or what have you.
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i had a few tears to shed last week caused by situations beyond my control. i am not a mind-reader nor am i scientist good enough to calculate emotions and thinking of people. more than the tears were the times i had to throw up because i couldnt cry it all out. but at the end of the day, it were my loving sorority sisters, my protective brothers, the valiums (oh yes, those v's) and the loads of tequila (thank u jose cuervo!) that got me through.

if THIS one was THIS GOOD, i could hardly wait for the next. they always get better each time. but until then (yes, including when fritz' friends come over), i keep my heart to myself.
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the lsac send-offs was a blast! had so much fun singing our "fraternity" hymn that i could hard

ly get the words outta my mouth. i hope that it will be a yearly tradition as gian and kanna pledged contributions for the next send-offs!

school send-offs was fun too. rommel and his team did a great job. felt like the nba finals! damnit im so addicted to basketball lol. i saw my romeo despite getting my heart trampled upon by the sight of his girl. heck, i dont give a fuck. ok, so i guess he aint my romeo after all. a gazillion questions creeped back into my mind. a whole lotta what-ifs. but is it too late to give an answer to all those questions?
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finally saw jeremy play. damn what a dream come true. oh and that wave from the bench to the bleachers. *sigh* kept telling uncle jay what a dream come true jeremy was. lol im repeating myself here. he was telling us that he just raised his arms and slightly touched the other guy and the other guys mouth started bleeding and his tooth fell off. damn. wasnt jeremy's fault that jru players are too lame! anyway, they're leaving this thursday coz his papers arent fixed yet but theyd be spending christmas here to help jeremy settle down for good. first time in my entire life that id be cheering for the green side. must be good. lol.
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im finally tired with waging war against KNS. no matter how i provoke her, she just wont bite. oh well. what can i say, the girl has no balls at all...as for her little minion (damnit, how the hell do u spell that word anyway?????????), she can kiss KNS's ass all she wants but when is start getting totally pissed at her, i'll make sure her world crumbles on her. yes, people, i am mean. and i am a bitch.
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when people tell me that they dont understand me, i mentally tell them that i dont understand myself either. must be the years of medication that completely messed me up even more instead of helping me steady it all out. but im not ashamed of my past and of who i am now. why should i be? despite the hell that i have been through all my life, look at where i am now. i pulled it off just fine, didnt i? i mean, ask leah and the rest of the people who have known me way back when. ive come a long way. and i believe that i will still go places, at the rate im going.
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lifes never fair. neither is love. but when things get going ur way, enjoy the ride. and when the rides over, it was fun while it lasted...now, u ask me, will it always be like that? the rides will keep ending? i think so. or at least until u find the person who will hold ur hand and walk with you...that way, u wouldnt have to ride no more :)
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no goodbyes, please.

9:41:00 PM 0 comments

Thursday, September 01, 2005

succession midterms

ive been preparing for my midterms in succession since last thursday. trust me, every reading seems to be the first reading. the words seem so alien to me. so anyway, its like ive been preparing for this exam for the past week. but its not as if i really studied for one week coz like saturday i was at starbucks and i was there like at 9am or something..by the time lunch came i was so tired so i took a nap and i woke up about an hour and a half later...so i went to go order a drink and the guard was like "sarap ng tulog natin, ma'am ah." i wanted to smack him on the face for reminding me how i wasted my time on sleep.

so anyway, i slept at 2am wednesday and woke up at 630am to bring the car to the shop. and then went back to sleep. i woke up at 11am to get the car from the shop and then i went back home to have lunch. them i drove from alabang to makati and thank god there was no traffic! so i was studying from 1pm to 645pm. i thought i was prepared. but then migraine hits me like crazy and believe me it isnt funny to get migraine right before u take an exam...especially when the exam is succession...worse if the exam is balane's. to make matters worse, i had to compute 3million pesos manually. imagine that...back to grade school mathematics. i knew it. i should have listened to my math teacher then. oh well.

so thats how my succession midterms went...now stay tuned for the results...haha.

12:22:00 AM 0 comments