WEAVING DAYDREAMS AND DISTORTING LULLABYES: May 2005

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

an arrest, sweethearts and mixed feelings

ok, im up. tim's been calling me a slug all night last night and im beginning to feel like one. a slug with blonde hair. damn.

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got arrested before i went home today. thank god it was tim who arrested me. harhar.

the weekend was so much fun. watched the longest yard friday night and u can just bet that its another hilarious adam sandler movie. i learned though that its a remake of an older movie where burt reynolds played the character that adam sandlers playing in this one and the original is a more serious movie too. spent saturday helping out tim and nicole prepare for the party that night. and all the time i made jell-o shots, they taste like cough syrup because of the alcohol but thank god that i didnt fuck it up saturday night. the jell-o shots were almost perfect except that some of them had the tops frozen because me and nicole were worried that they were not gonna freeze up enough on time so we put them inside the killer freezer. uh-oh. wrong move. but then the ice started to melt anyways and they were perfect -- especially for nicoles version of jell-o shots on shaun. harharhar. the couples who were at the party were really nice. and im not saying this because tim might be reading this. they were really nice. maybe i could say it better in tagalog -- solid sa bait. i had good chats with donna and kristine and beth was hilarious. i dunno why tammy couldnt laugh at tims jokes. he cracks me up all the time. and the guys were nice too. oh but i just cant forget eric saying, why am i always cute and never hot? well, honey, thats because u dont look your age.

i practically slept through sunday. i got slapped in the ass for making a butt print on the couch. harharhar. tim and nicoles kids came home yesterday and they were sweethearts! when they were already off to bed, cassidy gave me a hug and kissed me and said goodnight. nicole whispered that katie isnt as touchy as cassidy and so i shouldnt be "hurt" if katie wont hug me goodnight. i said, ok. but guess what? she did hug me and kiss me as she said goodnight! and nicole was like, now thats a surprise! =) i guess kids just naturally love me, eh?

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nicole with katie, me and katie and cassidy, katie and cassidy

so anyway, we also got to watch empire falls on hbo (first part on saturday night, second part last night) and that was one hell of a movie. its so hard to explain here but maybe u guys can try catching it on hbo or try reading the book too. we also had an alcohol fest last night. the coconut rhum with pineapple juice was so good i think i had four. but then tim and nicole started teasing me, looking for the "wild college chick." haha. i think i lost that person back in prospect heights with all the old people im with for so long! i hate it! besides, i also didnt wanna get totally drunk and all otherwise i would have spent the rest of the night in the bathroom.

i kept turning last night. and i woke up uneasy today. i love meeting new people especially when they turn out to be really nice people. its not easy to find nice people nowadays. and its great that i found great friends in tim and nicole in such a short span of time. they are like a big brother and sister to me. they always make sure im ok and take care of me real good.

so why do i feel uneasy, u ask? well because this sucks that im going back in two weeks. i hate this. i dont wanna go home not only because i have found such good friends in tim and nicole. i dont wanna go home because this is the life i have been wanting and i feel obligated to go home. its like i need to pay back my folks for all these years that they have reared me. that i need to make the most out of the "investments" made on me. i guess a small part in me (operative word: SMALL) doesnt wanna waste all the two years i have already spent in law school and that the next two years will be a breeze. and a little part in me is telling me, hey you'll be back soon anyway and will be back even longer next spring.

but thats not the whole point. i dont wanna go back. this is home. this is the life i want. this is who i am. this is who i choose to be. should anyone stop me? NO. should anyone influence my decisions? NO.

then you say, then fuck everything and stay! should i let my heart rule over logic on this one? i dont think so. tim doesnt think so either. if i dont go home and just decide on this this way, its like im running away from something. maybe i am. maybe im running away from the life that someone else has laid down for me to live. and maybe im running towards the life i want to live. but as tim has said it, i should do it the right way. yeah...but doing it the right way still doesnt change the fact that this is breaking my heart.

4:54:00 AM 3 comments

Friday, May 27, 2005

something for the weekend

ill be out for the entire weekend. will be spending it in joliet with a couple of my friends.

this week has been a blur.

talagang may mga taong malabo. pero whats most endearing would be misunderstandings between good friends. take the operative word: ENDEARING. i guess no matter how long ive been friends with people, there will always be those times when there would be some misunderstandings. after all, nothing is perfect in this world, even the most perfect of all friendships. i guess im with friends who are as matampuhin as i am. beneath the tough cover would always be someone who is pusong mamon. people who know me well can vouch for that. but hey, the good part is that after i sleep on it, tapos na. especially when my katampuhan with is someone i love dearly. (just a little postscript on this part: i dont date guys who are already emotionally taken by any of my best friends. kumbaga, namarkahan na. i dont play mind games either. ive already been in a relationship where mind games ruled the both of us and it hurt like hell so i know better than playing mind games with my best friends).

another blur: i think i romanticize love too much that i keep forgetting the real meaning of it. what is love anyway? not even lovine can answer this. maybe thats why i always say im in love, because i dont even know what the hell im talking about. then again, im too busy trying to define love that i wouldnt know love when it hits me.

blurrrrrrr....i cant understand why the most important of people in my life cannot share the most important events too. to whoever BM is: im down on my knees...begging...please be at the party with me. i want my brothers to be there. not to have my brothers at the party would be like...i dunno..such an empty feeling.

even more blurrrrrrrrrrr...i love him, i love him not. (i could hear everyone saying: WHO???) if you know me, you know who he is. he damn well knows who he is anyway.

ok folks, im ready to go enjoy the weekend! pictures to follow. enjoy yours too!

10:42:00 PM 3 comments

blank

theres just so much stuff going on in my head that everything seems to draw a big blank right in front of me. i dont even know if im making any sense. but damn the sense. who the fuck cares?

you know whats disappointing? when u find out that after years of friendship, people you see and treat as brothers and sisters do not know you at all. more than disappointment is the fact that your heart just breaks at the thought that these people have somehow doubted you. well i guess this world really is a world of disappointments...

but for every disappointment there are good things that happen too. will spend the weekend with tim and nicole and will go out with charlie on wednesday...this is the way to forget about heartaches.

more importantly, thank god for lovers like mine. THANK YOU DORANNE! i love what you did to this page. i owe you. mwah!

PS: pau, sorry if i had to change the look of this site again. i do appreciate the make-over the first time around. really. i just thought i needed the change due to some personal reasons.

11:42:00 AM 6 comments

Thursday, May 26, 2005

blah..blah..

i think i blog too much.

ANYWAY...

i tried learning html and photoshop today. yes, the entire day was spent in front of this freaking notebook, making butingting the tool bar of photoshop and typing too many html tags, the outcome of which looked like shit. then i suddenly realized: tangina kaya nga ako nag-law school eh! u cant even fight these programs...cant argue with them. and i felt so helpless!

on a more typical patbau day...im in love! (i could hear everone saying *so what else is new*) wala lang. bakit ba? i like the feeling. and i am entitled to be fickle- minded about the guys i fall in love with. after all, i am a girl...and its all fun, fun, fun. things like this shouldnt be taken seriously at any time.

10:10:00 AM 1 comments

for angel

on your first paragraph (second pala): they have miserable and pathetic lives. they cannot bear seeing you an inch close to happiness if not ecstacy. somehow people do not know how to be happy for other people. as far as i know, it's not taught in school. not in ateneo. or maybe i was in the doghouse, you know playing bridge (with matching yosi andBJ from ate regine), the day they taught it.

on your third paragraph: no, that's not friendship at all. that's called being a chicken. not even gamitan.

on your fourth paragraph: small talk, big issues. been there, done that. and it's not even the anger that is overpowering my emotions on this one. it's the frustration that everything crumbles at the sense of a big mumbo-jumbo over nothing. and no matter how little the truth is, there is no justification for stretching it.

on your fifth paragraph: we are all scheming one way or the other. probably not as balahura as other people are but hey, we are. and sometimes if we want something so bad, do we actually sit and wait? ok, fine, maybe some people do sit and wait for the apple to fall from the tree. but there are also some who take matters into their own hands and do something about it. the way i see it is that as long as you dont step on anybody's toes, hell, let's get it on.

on your sixth paragraph: at least ako aminadong may sungay, buntot at may malaking tinidor sa tabi ko. yes, people, i am evil.

wrapping up: do you just sit there and vent or do you something about it and strangle them? my best bet is that you would continue to vent =P see, you're so peace-loving that you'd wait until it's the end of the world before you allow yourself to avenge yourself. but hey, what are your friends there for, right. you know what the bitch or asshole will go through once me and lei and cha and lils and mic (im counting jill out, masyado siyang loving) get pissed off for you.

5:25:00 AM 4 comments

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

umagang kay ganda

basta't tayo'y magkasama, laging mayroong umagang kay ganda.

7:42:00 AM 1 comments

i can't deny it anymore...i miss my bad boy...

12:03:00 AM 4 comments

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

FIRSTS...and a squad ride

to my friends in l.a., those who i just met, and those ive known for a long time: the weekend will go down in MY history books as the official FIRST weekend.

thanks to ate lovette for the kwentos and the "love advice" and my pasta baon for the ride home. oh and for siding with me sometimes when lovine is nang-aasar.

and....much more and special thanks to lovine for: picking me up from lax despite the rush hour of a friday night, bringing me to that good crepe place, driving to oc (even if akala ko sasaksakin kami), dinner at koji's, blaming me for his second fender bender of the day, driving to beverly hills (even if my cousin isnt there anymore), getty center, dinner at that steak place, adult store, lesbian party, go-go dancers, tipping go-go dancers (hindi kita matiis), his extraordinary performance with "jill," deja vu, scheming with jj, non-bath trip to the restaurant, lunch at that thai restaurant, going back to look for my wallet, taking me to lax despite the horrid traffic of the freeways in the morning. and more importantly, thanks for making me pitik, and for always making me asar. talk about cariniong brutal. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. lovine's the best.

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back here in chitown...

so tim picked me up from ohare and i got to ride in his squad car and it was the shit! so 294 was slow coz of all the road works going on (though definitely not as bad as l.a. freeways) and the people in the other cars kept looking at us. tim was like "hey those guys keep looking at you" and i was like "probably coz im a hot chick." BARELY! they were looking at me coz people thought i was tim's partner. well who the fuck cares anyway. the ride was the shit. so i just cant wait to spend memorial weekend with them. its gonna be one hell of a ride too :P

8:41:00 AM 2 comments

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

the shit

the weekend rolled by so fast i didnt even notice that it happened.

friday night was the shit. it was like the awakening. tim picked me up at 8pm on the dot. (i was skeptical that he would arrive in prosepct heights at 8pm sharp, as he had said earlier in the day, from joliet--it was raining and it was, after all, a friday night...294 gets hell). he had to call nicole and let her know he didnt pick up a bum from somewhere (LOL). i swear they are like the sweetest couple i've met ever. they probably say i love you to each other like a million times in one phone call! ANYWAY...the drive back to joliet didnt seem like 45 minutes. tim was a talker, and a republican, so we definitely had so much to talk about. when we got to their place, i was nervous as hell. but hey, who could blame me, right? nicole was there and until i saw them together, i didnt realize that they were such a beautiful couple. so we watched some tv and some videos and then BAM! that was it. i dont even think words can do any justice to what happens after. ONE NIGHT TO REMEMBER...ONE NIGHT TO KEEP...A DIFFERENT LIFESTYLE TO LIVE. THANKS TIM and NICOLE! =)

saturday and sunday were the shit too. i was bed ridden in hell as my wisdom TEETH on the left side are both coming out. uncle jerry gave me vicodin and its like i was drugged 24/7. i couldnt do anything at all. i was just groggy and wasted. but hey, the drug was the shit too. wonder if i could take some back home? lol/

im all better now. i finally had my first meal in two days and it felt good. had sebastian's stuffed porkchops and chicken. that was the shit too.

being in the downtown is the shit too. will be in LA to see the rest of my good friends, including my favorite person, this weekend. thats the shit too.

3:56:00 AM 2 comments

Thursday, May 12, 2005

a poem

my favorite person. *bow*

lovine is my favorite person...
if not in the world then at least in the united states...
if not in the united states then definitely in california.
he drives 45 minutes to some wrong direction ive given him
just to pick me up and save me
from the clutches of outrageous filipino catholicism.
yeah he talks a lot
and he asks a lot of questions,
and the truth definitely doesnt shut him up at all.
in fact, he talks even more
and asks more questions.
probably out of total shock.
i love him nevertheless.
he sleeps on the floor
so i can feel safe on the bed
amidst tarzana's moo-moos.
in fact, he even stays awake with me
as i refuse to sleep (at 4am)
despite the bed calling him
and despite the fact that
we have to wake up at 8am the next day.
he will pick me up from the airport
after a gruelling day at work,
and despite the horrendous LA traffic during rush hour
(ok, thats kinda redundant...but hey, its los angeles traffic)
and he will lemme stay in his house
(again).
and maybe he would sleep on the floor
(again)
coz he knows im sucha chicken head
*ahem ahem*

i love lovine.
he's my favorite person. *bow*

9:45:00 AM 3 comments

Monday, May 09, 2005

i just woke up and realized that life began on wednesday and ended today. damn.

my aunt from germany flew in for the weekend since i could no longer fly over to see her in hamburg (damn those call center people for the german embassy who couldn't get shit straight). the first three days came as a breeze. i was starting to feel like a ditz by friday afternoon as i was out of the house by 9am, trying to conquer as many stores as possible (thank god for birkentsocks!) i asked my aunt to shoot me if i came home with another bag in my hands. i should be dead by now if my aunt hadn't given me the reprieve so we could enjoy the weekend. as saturday rolled by, we were on the road to wisconsin at 8am, to (yet again) wage war against the outlet stores in pleasant prairie. we stopped for lunch at gurnee mills but that wasn't it. we were at it again, shopping, raking each and every store in gurnee. im beginning to feel that i'm turning into a typical teenage american girl.

saturday night was spent bonding with my two favorite family members in the entire world. they neither comment nor condemn anything i say. i felt at peace coz i don't have to hide beneath the impressions and expectations of people. i could be who i am around them. the bonding session continued on to the dancefloor as we went drinking and dancing all night! the dancefloor seemed to have that big welcome sign, saying fuck it (inspired by eamon's wonderful song with the same title).

and that's exactly what i've learned from my aunt and uncle. that's what i'm learning here in the windy city: FUCK IT. fuck what people say or think. i'd do what i know is right for me, and not for the world that is watching. fuck all those babayagas. russian folklores have no place in my life. fuck all the heartbreaks. the one will always find his way to you. fuck it. just fuck it. coz starting today, i'm living the life i like.

9:18:00 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

blackmail

ok, so i told angel that she ought to check out my blogger page. and she did. i told her to leave a comment and she didn't. her reason: your blogs have nothing to do with me. why should i comment on them? well, she has a point. you shouldn't comment on a blog when it has nothing to do with you, right? HELL, WRONG!

dude, the reason why it's called a blog is because the person blogging has been granted by the world wide web the authority to rant about anything under the sun, especially about oneself. and then the "outsiders" comment or say their opinion on what the blogging person has said. at least i think that's the general idea of this thing, right? so suppose i write something about some old couples i see in the park, holding hands, and opine that it's surprising how these days there are still those couples who stay together blah blah. the reader comments, yeah it's not normal to find long-term relationships nowadays. see? that's the entire point. if i write something about you, then it ain't no blogger of mine anymore. heck, i'd bet you won't even write anything about me but i'll still find something to say in your blogger. haha!

i love angel. she loves the attention so much, i'm giving her the time of day right now =P i guess i'm just missing my dolphin-loving, cartwheeling (yes, she's way better than mr. gopez) cheerdancer, talkative but ever listening friend.

10:45:00 PM 4 comments