and the stars conspired against me
i have so much stuff to do and yet im writing this blog. probably because im so pissed off right now that im not being very productive at all.
i was doing my part for the pubcorp project when i realized that there are no definite plans for the JLE (jesuit legal education) this weekend. but i thought, what the heck, im sure isoy will come up with something...so on to finishing my pubcorp..and then mickey im's me and asks me where my specpro digests are. the hell! he's like the second person to ask me where my digests were (i believe bej was the first). i freaking sent them right after i got out of the hospital! so i couldnt find them and i have to do everything all over again! good lawrd! so i finished my pubcorp when i remembered there are still other stuff i need to do. i can do that later...so i re-started the specpro digests..and i ask nad over ym what the plans are for the weekend and he says he doesnt know. and then the moment of truth arrived. isoy texted:
pat, you're riding with cande. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? can i just die now? WHY? none of the council members are gonna being going on time except for me and i still have to ride with sir? dont get me wrong, cande's nice..but to be with him for like a 2-hour ride? no yosi, no music! ano paguusapan namin? hot seat na naman ako! A! ano gagawin ko?????????
stars? where art thou stars in the night? they are all up in arms, conspiring against me.
steady lang
midterms finally over! thank god i can finally breathe. thinking of drinking and getting wasted tonight since basketball practice got cancelled due to rain. what the hell? rain in january? must be global warming..tsktsk..poor kiwi. the little boy wanted to practice so bad i think he started calling every basketball court in the metro. me and sep ended up drinking a round but since im bitin, it wont hurt to start with the alcohol in my room. lol.
know what pisses me off? people who jump into conclusions. jeez. talk about being overly melodramatic and hypersensitive. and then the cookie crumbles. tsktsk. no more tough cookies around. better get your stories straight before you start acting like the freaking 5-year old kid that you are! jeez. act your age! tangina. hasslehomes! argh. thank your lucky stars that someone was with me to stop me from going over to your damn table to tell u off. that would have been the most embarassing night of your life. but since ur one pathetic little creature, steady lang ako. wont waste any more time on you.
yeah, yeah, i'll probably regret writing this in a few days. but as of the moment, allow me to rant.carla emailed me the link to their family album. made me senti about family especially pops' side. its just us, mikeys and mij's family around. it gets kinda lonely during the holidays. will post pics of our family when i get the ones from carla =) damn how time flies by so fast.
sucks
that i feel so helpless at this point in time...wish i could take the burden off his shoulders so that he can get up and see that the sun still shines after the pouring rain.
as for that person who has been extremely difficult lately, im not about to give up on u..u just wait.
what i dont understand is...
why there are girlfriends who are so selosa that they nearly tie their boyfriends to the door so that the latter will not be able to interact or be friends with other girls. dude, are u fucking psycho??? what planet are you from? talk about literally having your world revolve around your guy. its fucked up..totally retarded, if u ask me.
dont get me wrong. i do understand the dilemma of trusting your guy but not trusting the people around him. after all (contrary to popular belief -
obiter: someone even asked if i was lesbian - got nothing against lesbians but uhm, hello, i am 101% straight), i am a girl. but i am one with many guy friends and it just frustrates me how girlfriends can stop their guys from having girl-friends. i mean, is that how you show your undying love? and for the guy, is that how you say
i love you, too? i mean, isnt love supposed to be acceptance and understanding and all that shit? coz if it aint, im even more clueless about love now than i was about a minute ago.
i dunno what im feeling at the moment. sad? confused and bewildered? pissed?
(i dunno at who though...at the girl for being one hell of a dominatrix or the guy who couldnt fight back)...you fucking doofus! dont throw our friendship down the drain!
ive been in this situation one too many times...i wonder why i still havent gotten the hang of it...
but being the good friend that i am, hey, im trying my best to comprehend the situation with an open heart. and thats because im not the type to make my guy friends choose. i know where i stand...just right here, dilly-dallying with my other good friends, letting time pass by until my doofus friends are released as hostages by that thing they call true love.
crabby patti
i got home at about 130am from inuman with my starbucks family (yes, we're not just friends...we're family). when i got home, pops asked me if i was still gonna go watch the PAQman -Morales match with him and the boys. i said yes (the whole reason why i was up until 4am, finishing transpo - please dont ask me why i couldnt finish it in one sitting when it was just about 140 pages - i was studying...IN STYLE the south people's way!). he was waking me up at 7am but i couldnt get up...PAIN! damnit. dysmennorhea just had to kick in today. i went over to their house and told pops i wasnt coming anymore because i was in pain.
thats ok..im sure kaya mo yan...konting sakit lang naman yan eh. KONTING SAKIT?!?! FATHER! you dont know what you're talking about!!! i was actually pissed. mum was like,
naku florante. hindi ka pa rin natututo sa 3 anak mo na babae! and pops was like
she never had that before! she just started having that like last year! this is just an isolated incident! uhm, not really, pops. this is a side effect of those depo shots that i took so faithfully for years. heck, ur baby girl grew up. sorry!
had breakfast at the other house and was looking for pain killers. cant drink mefenamic acid or ibuprofen the rest of my life...intestines took too much of a beating from the last time. tramadol? hell no. i still have to wake up and read transpo and a whole lot more for conflicts. so i stumbled upon popo's grape-flavored advil syrup.
aha! pain killer! yikes, ibuprofen!!! but what the fuck. i dont care. i need pain killers (that wont make me sleep) FAST! so i just gulped it all down and now im hoping i dont get even more sick because i disobeyed doctors orders.
everything just pisses me off. this orange juice glass on my table. the readings i need to get done. not being able to watch PAQman. having to wake up to study. waking up at 7am. eating tuna. the painters at my house. the smell of paint. touching fucking wet paint! cant they damn put a sign? no warning from anyone! damn you people! AAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHH!
so now, im shutting out the world. id be sleeping and pray that when i wake up, i wont be this crabby anymore.
for my funny bunny
badawheebadawhoobadaboomschwingbadaboom. dingalingadingdingwheeschwingzipideebam. huffleybadaboomwheeschwingaboom.
PIA! you wouldnt believe this
magkaibigan nga kami ni pia...hahahaha
| You Are A Margarita Martini |
You are a full on partier, with a good deal of sass and spunk.
You're always friendly and welcoming - and very tolerant of obnoxious drunks.
You should never: Drink and dance. The pictures will be everywhere the next morning!
Your ideal party: Is loud, with good music and fun drinking games.
Your drinking soulmates: Those with a Dirty Martini personality
Your drinking rivals: Those with a Classic Martini personality |
PEA
thank you! i love you! and i miss you!
nuff said.
will you answer?
what if i stumble?
what if i fall?
what if i lose my step and make fools of us all?
will the love continue
when my walk becomes a crawl?
what if stumble?
what if i fall?
-dc talk
on my own
tinulugan mo ako...AGAIN! the problem with crying while in bed is that it puts you to sleep in such a graceful manner that when you close your eyes, the world just fades away. and then there's peace. now, now. i dont think thats a problem at all
(though i think someone gets really pissed if i fall asleep in the middle of our conversation. sorry!) if sleeping is the only way i can have peace of mind, then let me sleep forever. this fast-paced world is really driving me bananas. i cant cope with the decisions i have to face with, the choices that i have to make, the hearts that i have to break..and i definitely cannot cope with yet another broken heart. i have dreams to weave, chains to break, lullabyes to distort. thats the way life is for me. run away? no. sleep? yes. then maybe when i wake up id have a clearer picture of how i'll make the next step.
--------------------
spring 2005, phone call to manila
P: (crying on the phone) i dont wanna go home..really.
J: o, sino na namang lalaki ang rason bakit ayaw mo umuwi?
january 2006, over dinner
P: (smiling) im flying home to chicago
A: oh ok..dont tell me babalikan mo siya?!?
P: hindi noh! pucha. kinaliwa ako tapos babalikan ko? (yeah, complete and utter lie)
A: oo, gagawin mo yun! ikaw pa! naku patricia ha! wag kang babalik dito na kayo! naku!
P: deyn..
A: so hindi ka na tatakbo? di ba yun naman gusto mo before pa?
P: hindi ko alam..
hindi ko alam? HINDI KO ALAM?!? what kind of an answer is that?!? i have always known what i wanna be in the future. i have always focused on the end goal but...on the other end of the spectrum, i have always been told that i let guys dictate the way i would live my life.. that the decisions i have to make would depend on whether i'd like to fight for the relationship or not. NOT ANYMORE. i know what i want and i know what i need to do. i have one hell of a simple life. people just dont get it. its one with too many dreams in it. each one i gotta achieve. if HE doesnt understand that, then baby, we're not meant to be together.
getting better
in the family, ive never been the one with the good health. i was the one who was accident prone and i was always the one who is sick. 2 weeks into recovery from surgery and 2 days after my left arm was put in a cast, i was rushed to the hospital for severe pain on my right abdomen. the initial diagnosis of dr. ejercito: running over a dwarf (you know, that filipino superstition that if you run over or step on a dwarf, bad luck comes to you). the real diagnosis though is diu-blahblah and my kidney stones. the former is caused by too much mefenamic acid taken. so much for pain killers...now i need pain killers for the pain caused by the former. im now on drugs short of morphine. not bad (as cean said haha)...
but thank god im now out of the hospital and ready to take my midterms. though id really miss that hot male nurse :P haha.
i gotta go take a nap for now...my right hand is swollen from all the needles they stuck to it (they couldnt put anything on my left hand since it's in a cast...) hopefully id be able to write well on monday.
ps: thanks to pops who's always carrying the burden of paying for the bills and staying at the hospital with me...my mum and ann for the food, ate and ate chie for bringing me to the hospital, justine for her impossible to understand get well soon notes, to everyone who wished me well especially to my one and only girlfriend (haha) a, cean, nik and ken =)....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
new beginnings
im back! whew. it took me days of sleepless nights to finish the new (and hopefully, improved) look of this site. for some weird reason, i cant open my multiply site. its a pldt thing. hassle. anyway, thanks to my recent surgery, i got both the time and the patience to learn css and photoshop. and it didnt take me one year! LOL.
2005 did not end well for me. right before christmas, i had to be operated on because my useless appendix decided to go bonkers on me while i was watching kingkong. and i did not even have the guts to tell the people i was with that i was in so much pain (see, jo, im a very nice and considerate person..hehe). talk about having to drive myself while cringing in pain. i wouldve ended up in a car accident if it werent for cean talked to me on the phone. so, i spent the holidays recovering from the three incisions that were done on my stomach. thanks doc..now there goes wearing a bikini in march! hah!
and it does not end there. i woke up on the morning of the 31st to find my left hand/arm swollen like hell. i didnt bother much because i thought i strained it with too much poker. but then the swelling hasnt subsided and i had to go back to the doctor for even more tests. i think im slowly dying. then again, ilarde is right. ang masamang damo ay matagal mamatay (closest translation: bad grass dont die --somebody give me a better translation!).
anyway...
its a new year, meaning its a new beginning. of course, there are some unfinished business with the council which i need to get done before monday. *kill me now, please!* and school kicks off the new year with the midterms. at least i finished this blogsite on time. that means i can hit the books starting...NOW! *damn* but hey, at least id be reading with a light heart. thanks to chuck who somehow found his way to put a smile on my face.
*sigh* on second thought, sometimes there are no new beginnings because somehow, there are some things that never really ended.
12:13:00 AM 1 comments
